Writer’s block is a serious, serious thing. Luckily, I’m not a writer so the awesome spew of thoughts that I get to share with you is pure, raw, and unadulterated by ‘artistic’ inclinations (see SARCASM). Also, blogging is not something I technically consider ‘writing’. I find it to be a socially acceptable form of brain dropping (see JAB AT SELF). But what is the true poet to do? One who sees with the eyes of the soul and wants nothing but to be pure of heart and expression. What do the future Jack Kerouacs or Charles Bukowskis do in a world where a poorly written script for a movie can get your flatulent roommate a $250,000 paycheck (see BATTLESHIP)? The textbook answer is (obviously) hone your craft, travel, take risks, share your work and be receptive (but not subject) to the criticism of your peers. For most writing folk I know, the REAL answer it seems (and I cite previously mentioned writers as keen examples) is to indulge in the vice of the storytellers. Nice try, but the answer is not Dave and Busters… it is A to the L to the C to the O to the H O L! Warning! Could also lead to waking up on random door mats (see COLLEGE).
It is a well known fact that excessive consumption of spirits, (also knows as “fire water” by the Native peoples of the Americas) during some of these literary “experiments”, that ‘accidents’ are known to happen (also see COLLEGE). Certain ‘accidents’ require that you call a friend or roommate to help you flip the mattress over (see A FEW WEEKS AGO). Is there an easier way? Well, now, you can enhance your creativity (responsibly!!) and protect your nightly-used investment with one of our Premium Pillow and Mattress Protectors! These will not prevent irresponsible behavior (I personally enjoy a fine whiskey on Saturday night by the fireplace with my misses and cat) but it will certainly make some of the less serious consequences of your spirit-fueled literary legacy (see Kristen Stewart as Marylou in upcoming adaptation of ON THE ROAD) much more practical and your mattress and those you share it with, will thank you for it!