I lose my keys. Why? I blame DNA. My father lost his keys and his father before him and when my great, great, great, great great great great great great grandpa came home from a night of carousing with his fellow caveman, he probably lost the keys to the family mammoth. I have tried everything I can think of to prevent key loss. I put them on a carabineer and clipped them to a belt loop.
47 broken belt loops later, my wife demanded I lose the carabineer.Â I have purchased remote electronic devices that, when you press the button, are supposed to cause the paired key chain to loudly â€œchirp.â€ I lost the stupid remote. I purchased a zafu zabuton set and tried meditation.Â It didn’t work for my keys, but my organic meditation cushion has proven to be beneficial nonetheless.Â I even paid my daughter to follow me around and if she found my keys before I did, I would give her a dollar. I ended up with a rich little pick pocket, now I jump at shadows thinking itâ€™s my daughter about to steal my keys for a dollar.
Every man I know has this problem. This got me thinking. How can I stop this pitiful cycle of unrelenting key loss? How can I make sure that my own son will never have to plaintively whine, â€œHoney, have you seen my keys?â€ Why are all of those public restroom keys attached to objects that are big enough to require their own zip-code? AHA! If I could attach my keys to something I deemed vital, important and large enough that I couldnâ€™t lose it, my suffering would finally end. Sadly, my wife refused to volunteer.
I did manage to find this Key Chain Baton. I discovered the idea while watching martial arts movies.Â Large enough that losing it will be more difficult but it also has the potential to serve a purpose. The Kubotan, developed by Grand Master Takayuki Kubota, is a self-defense device which doubles as a key chain. Originally developed to be used by police officers, the Kubotan technique has revolutionized the concept of unarmed self-defense for not only law enforcement officers, but also karate enthusiasts and everyday citizens. Easily found on the MatsMatsMats.com website along with many other martial arts supplies.Â It also feature a DVD and book outlining simple self-defense techniques that utilize the mini baton. Now I shall never be without my keys again!Â Now, where did I put my glasses?